You're so nebulous sometimes
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
