So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
