Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
