I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
