Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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