if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
40s are totally the cure
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
