I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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