im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
