Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
