that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
