ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
