I wish my penis had an off switch
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
