If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
