you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
