i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
