Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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