Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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