K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
