That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
