she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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