I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
