If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
