y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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