just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
