can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
