For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
