All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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