Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
