farters have to be the big spoon...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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