last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
