Non-Jews are for practice
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
