grandma shit on top of the toilet
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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