he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
