I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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