my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
