you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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