Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
