I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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