3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
