Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
