im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
