i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm too high and old for this...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
