once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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