Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
