SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It was confusing and full of hummus
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
