Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
