only you would photoshop your dick
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
