guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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