just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
