You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
