I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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